If the United Nations Really Cared...

Here's my rant about the United Nations. I know that they are working hard on the BIG problems in this world in order to improve our lives. However, in working on the BIG problems, they miss the small problems that really make our daily lives difficult.  In China, these are the things that make my life difficult and I would love for the UN to step in and fix things:

1.  All electrical appliances would accept the following voltages: 100-240v, 50-60Hz. Without exception. This would improve my life immeasurably and would probably reduce manufacturing costs as well.
2. Flogging (or death) for people that violate the "walk left-stand right" rule on escalators and moving walkways (there's even a website).
3. All water faucets must follow the "left hot, right cold" rule.  For circular handles, it's "counter-clockwise hot, clockwise cold".
4. All cell phones (and any battery-powered electrical appliance smaller than a toaster) would be rechargeable using a USB charger. Oh wait, the Chinese government already mandated this for cell phones! Thanks for nothing UN.

Awww... Nuts

Foreigners often try to find foods they know well when they've grown tired of Chinese or just need something familiar. In particular, they get easily fooled by Hua Sheng (花生).  When you order this dish off the menu, you get a small plate of shelled peanuts that look close the right color but are strangely wet.  It seems like a manageable difference.

However, it seems that the Chinese like their peanuts much more "raw" than westerners.  In fact, they are so raw that you quickly associate the peanut with beans (which they are) instead of nuts (which peanuts are not).  It's always fun to see the first bite from people who are visiting.

Me?  I didn't like them at first but now I've really grown to enjoy them.  They taste more fresh, have less salt and are much more amenable to the chopstick grab and toss (as in down your throat).  The western peanuts are starting to taste too salty, too hard and way overcooked.  Are my taste buds starting to go native?

The Westernisation of Food

The rage around the world these days is to complain about how the "Westernisation" of food has caused people in the developing world to become fat, lazy and dangerously obese. I see this a lot in the Chinese press. This is an interesting viewpoint. Actually, what I mean is that it offends me as both an American (the western evil food pusher) and as an Indian (the poor developing country at the mercy of evil). What do I mean?
As an American, I'm offended by the idea that the idea of being "western" is so wrapped up in the idea of over-eating fatty and fried foods. There are plenty of western nations where this is not true and frankly, people are responsible for what they eat.
As an Indian, I'm offended by the idea that we have to rely on foreigners to figure out how to make those super-tasty, super-bad-for-you foods that everyone loves to eat. Indians already have lots of tasty snacks that are completely home-grown and absolutely guaranteed to increase your weight. We don't need to rely on McDonald's for this type of creativity. And we've got stuff that makes Pork Rinds look like health food.
Basically, I don't like the confusion between "Westernisation" and "Modernisation". Just because your society is modernising, don't give all the creative credit to the West! Just because they became modernised first, don't give them ownership by calling things westernised. All societies that are modernising will have similarities that exist because of increased incomes. Don't allow yourself to become confused with cultural westernisation and economic modernisation.

The Food Process Issue

This is the first in a series of posts about food ... in China and elsewhere. To start with, you'll hear many Americans and many Chinese talk about how Chinese food is healthier for you (than American food) because the Chinese eat more fresh vegetables and naturally grown foods. Let me be clear -- THIS IS A LIE.

I have never seen foods as processed as I have seen in China. The foods for sale in China would make an American food executive blush. Not blush red with embarrassment, but green with envy. They would think "Wow, can we do that to food and still sell it? People will eat that? They like what kinds of flavors?." They would think they had died and gone to processed food nirvana.

I have seen meats and vegetables sliced, diced, pureed, liquefied, freeze-dried, vacuum-packed and then combined (you know, for kicks) and then sold to consumers who love it. Some of the processed meats that are sold here make spam and beef jerky seem like organic, natural food. I have even seen spam in a German restaurant listed on the menu as "meatloaf" (I was not amused).

Is this bad? Am I complaining? No, not really. I have tried a lot of new foods and you'd be surprised at what's tasty after it's been processed. Is the fact that it's processed bad? No, not really. People should be given options on what to eat. It's their responsibility on when to choose healthy and when to choose pure, fully-adulterated pleasure.

Anyway, in China, it's not the processed foods you need to worry about. It's those pesky unprocessed foods that can make you sick (another friend fell victim to a bad salad last week) or ... make you sick (half-formed chicken embryos on a stick, anyone?).

Nv Ren Bu Huai - Women aren't bad

Nv Ren Bu Huai, Nan Ren Bu Ai (女人不坏男人不爱) - If women aren't bad, men can't love. Recently heard from a friend who was not happy with ... men. The translation in English doesn't quite convey the full meaning and judgement behind the saying but it's the best I can do. It's a great summary of the standard impression that women have of men. :) What kind of response can a man make to this kind of statement (other then a lame attempt to switch the men and women in the sentence)?

I'm trying to make sure I live my life in Beijing in such a way that I never have to hear this comment directed at me.

Updates are red: I got some comments that the saying includes an "if" that I neglected in my translation. As you can see, the "if" makes a big difference and totally changes the meaning of the sentence.

Going Sailing - Connection Made

The sailing race for us began in Hong Kong; which does not speak the same Pu Tong Hua language that is spoken in Beijing. While the written script is all the same (Traditional and Simplified), the spoken language is completely different.
During my visit to Hong Kong, the inability of the locals to speak Pu Tong Hua was ... infuriating! I found that I was annoyed at being in a part of China (just let me say this for argument's sake) and not being able to use the Chinese that I have worked so hard to learn. I know that I could have switched to English (with difficulty) but I wanted/expected to speak Chinese!
What did I learn? I have integrated into Local Chinese society much more than I had realized. It kind of sneaks up on you. I can manage to function in Beijing in a way that is impossible in Hong Kong. Although infuriating, I became much more aware of how easily I can move through life in Beijing with my (admittedly poor) Chinese. Sometimes you need to break a connection in order to realize how strong it has become.

When They Come ...

There are only two things that I'm sure will happen when the aliens finally land:

1. They'll eat the fat ones first
   
2. They'll look at earthling battery technology and wonder, "How did they get so far with such crappy batteries?"
   

Going Sailing : Introduction

  Another example of how great it is to live in China.  I recently participated in the China Cup International Regatta (Asia's largest regatta), as a sailor on a the Beijing Sailing Center team.  My prior experience?  2 days of sailing on a dinghy.  Why do I think this is important enough to post on the blog?  Well ... for one thing, I'm boasting and for another thing ... I'm boasting.

  I mean, how cool is that?  I get to participate in an international competition with teams from all over the world.  After the competition finished, I could call myself an "International Athlete" and put myself in the same category as Bolt (of Olympic fame).

  Despite the fact that noone on the team had ever sailed a Beneteau First 40.7, our incredible skipper (Alfie) and boss (Rick) managed to forge a team out of only 6 sailors (3 of whom were completely new to racing yachts).  More posts about our 7 days of sailing to come.  For now, here are some of the published photos from the race website that pertain to our team:

Our Skipper Alfie : So Professional ... Looking
That's my backside in front and Cuyler's rear-end in the back

• An article written about one of our team members (Cuyler) while using a picture of Alfie.  Apparently, Cuyler was not pretty enough.
• An article where we proclaim our love for China.

The Chinese Red Green Show

It seems that many of my post titles now have references to other, existing objects.  This is simply a lack of originality on my part.  This post is not about the incredibly funny Red Green Show.

I went by a workmate's computer while he was watching a stock screen.  You know these screens, they're the ones with lots of stock symbols all over and they are colored red (down) or green (up) depending on the movement of the stock price that day.  The screen had a lot of red so I just said, "Wow, looks like a bad day for the market."  He looked at me, puzzled. "What do you mean?  Everything is up today.  It's great!"

I have rarely felt so puzzled.  Would you believe that the red/green meanings are reversed in China?  Since red is the color of fortune and happiness, when stocks go up, they're red and when they go down, they're green.  I never would have figured it out myself.

I got to apply this knowledge right away.  That very night, I went to the Hong Ba in Nan Luo Gu Xiang.  Great little bar.  One their "things" is that each sitting booth is elevated 2-3 feet above the main floor.  There is a tiny "lift" for each booth to raise the patrons up to the table and seats.  

First time there, one of us got on the lift and we saw one red button and one green button.  Naturally, to go up, we pressed the green one.  Nothing happened.  After a 3 second delay (I'm not the sharpest person), I yelled, "Oh!  I know this!  Push the red one."  Sure enough, red means up and green means down.

Seeds of Change

Cue Scene:
Western Man (WM) and Chinese Girlfriend (CG) are walking hand-in-hand near around Hou Hai Lake in Beijing.  Sun is shining but near the horizon.  They are enjoying the romantic atmosphere around the lake.

CG asks WM to buy her a lotus pod.  WM looks at the lotus pods.  He decides it's the right moment to buy her a flower (or flower bud) to improve the romantic nature of the walk.

WM completes the bargaining and returns with a lotus pod.  WM is happy that he bargained the price down to 4 yuan and at the smile on CG's face.

CG and WM walk for a few more minutes in happy bliss. CG then rips apart the lotus pod and eats the seeds.

WM is shell-shocked and wondering if he should bring attention to this bizzarre behavior.  He has never had a girl eat a rose or bouquet of flowers.
:Cut Scene
-----

This scene has happened hundreds of times in Beijing (I know these WM!).  One of the many snacks you can buy near the lake is the humble (and super-tasty) lotus pod (full of edible lotus seeds).  Most westerners have never seen these lotus pods.  It's quite shocking for them to realize that the pretty flower given to a pretty girl is suddenly in the process of being consumed.