On the Job - Toilet Etiquette

I managed to attend the Friday information meeting in my second week in Beijing. The topics seemed normal (at first): introductions, announcements, updates and a health presentation by our Health and Safety Czar. The title of the health presentation was (I swear I am not making this up): Toilet Etiquette - Sit or Squat?
The next half-hour was filled with a discussion of the different types of toilets you would find around the world and the normal procedure for using them. I am sorry to say that I actually learned something within the first five minutes. Both China and Japan have squat toilets but there is a subtle difference. In Japan, the user walks directly into the toilet and squats down (meaning, their back is to the door). Most of the rest of the world has the user turn around so that they are facing the door when they squat. The toilets actually have a slightly different construction to indicate this. Trust me, we had pictures and diagrams. The fact that I learned something in this presentation is very disturbing to me.
The presentation continued on with sit-style toilets and how to use them. There was then a segment of the presentation that I couldn't understand but it involved a picture of a man and woman sitting on a sit-style toilet in adjoining stalls and some graphic indicating that the man was trying to look at the woman. I don't know... I couldn't parse the english in this part of the presentation.
I didn't have the heart to complicate the presentation with the Indian sit/squat hybrid toilets. These are sit toilets that have "flanges" (or wings) that allow a person to choose to sit or squat. I felt the presentation was technical enough already.
At the end of the presentation, the presenter told us why he had put together this presentation,"It seems that someone, probably from the outside, used on of our western toilets as a squat toilet." I am dying to know what evidence he had. The only thing I can come up with are actual boot prints on the toilet seat.

On the Job - Introductions

You are all going to be treated to a few differences in the work environment between China and the US. It's hard to distinguish if the differences reflect the corporate culture of Slobber (the company I work for) or are common to all corporations with offices in China and the US. I think that the differences are more of a US/China issue but you can be the judges.
Be warned, some of the issues that are brought up are not for the faint of heart. We have a weekly Friday information meeting for our center (about 150 people) that usually includes announcements, introductions, some non-technical presentations and health issues. I missed it the first week I was there but I heard about the introductions that went on.
Basically, all of the new people (mostly from Austin) were asked to introduce themselves, state if they were single or married and to announce whether they were "available" or "unavailable."
...
Errr... ummmm... wow. This so wouldn't even be legal in the US. Don't even get me started on the fact that un/available wasn't dependent on your married status.

75 Boxes of Dread

Our shipment of goods is supposed to arrive today at 10 am. It's currently 7:47 am. I'm taking the day off to unpack/setup but I've definitely got issues with the shipment.
We've been waiting anxiously for the shipment the last seven weeks. There are a number of items that we want to have and don't want to buy since it's coming in the shipment. Overall, though, we've got most of everything we need already here. Sure, there are some items like the couch, kitchen equipment, bed, etc., but those only take up a few boxes.
What on earth is in the other... 57 boxes? For the life of me, I can't remember and I can't find 57 holes in my life that need to be filled. I mean, where is all that stuff going to go and why did we pack it in the first place?
Essen and I went through a big purge when we packed up for China and now I think we're going to go through a big purge when we unpack in Beijing. I just can't understand how I managed to accumulate so many things in such a limited time while living a 900 square foot apartment. And these are the things we felt we _had_ to ship!
What's on the discard list? For starters, I will probably lose over 90% of my wardrobe. I've been coasting for a long time and I'm overdue for an overhaul as it is. I'd already dumped 1/3 of it in Austin and the prospect of dumping most of the rest is... well... quite freeing. I'm sure there are lots of other knick-knacks and junk we packed in case we needed it. I hope we can pare down to ... maybe 30 boxes of stuff but you never know.

... and A Marriage

MilkShake and PowWow (maybe I should stick with PW) recently announced their marriage and I want to congratulate them on their nuptials. Of course, their announcement is closer to their one-year anniversary than it is to their actual wedding date but I think we can overlook that. :)
I was pleasantly surprised by their announcement but I should really know better. The two of them are always so relaxed about things that other people make a big hoopla about. I am a bit envious that they got a whole year to enjoy their marriage almost in private. They are currently traveling around the world (albeit very slowly) so any sort of a party for them will require an incredible amount of planning. More likely, everyone they know will just have to throw them many mini-parties has they continue their traveling. In my view, it just gives me another reason to have them come to Beijing. We've got 10 months of congratulations to catch up on.

A Birth...

KMart and C-Mart have recently given birth to a bouncing baby boy! Like many others, I would like to welcome CSM to the world. We have all been waiting anxiously for him to emerge and I'm very sorry that I missed the occasion by being halfway around the world. Still, CSM has the fortune of being born to a great set of parents who have been preparing for him with as much effort and devotion is possible.
Now that CSM has joined us, I've been wracking my brain trying to figure out an appropriate nickname for him. CSM lends itself to Cesium but that's sounds a little technical. Perhaps C-Smart might work well (or even SeeSmart). Any ideas?

Mouthwash

You want to do something really scary? Try buying mouthwash when you can't read any of the labels. It's especially problematic when the same company makes mouthwash and floor cleaner (in very similar bottles). I almost walked out of the store with nothing because I couldn't make myself commit.

Bus Breakdown

Last week I had my first bus breakdown. I was riding my normal #731 to home and the bus made a normal stop at the end of a previously empty bus stop. Then as if some silent command had gone out, 80% of the people on the bus suddenly got up and sped out the doors. I didn't really know what had happened since I knew they didn't all really mean to get off at this stop. I initially thought that the bus may have broken-down but I hadn't heard any announcement and there was the matter of the stubborn 20% who were keeping their seats.
A few seconds of thoughts brought some clarity to the situation: a) I felt comfortable with the stubborn people on the bus, they seemed happy with the situation while those rushing off the bus were scampering everywhere, and b) if this bus had truly broken-down, the other buses weren't going anywhere. From the last post, you know that the buses were parked with only inches between them. Since this bus wasn't moving, no other buses could move. They couldn't back up because of the bus behind them and other buses were just adding to length of the line (think of lemmings all going over a cliff). It was actually kind of amusing.
After a minute or two, I still wasn't sure if were broken down but even the stubborn folks were starting to leave the bus. I stepped out for some fresh air and suddenly everything became clear. People had gotten behind and were pushing trying to push it forward. Ahhh... something I can finally help with!! This would at least allow the other buses to get out. I helped push the bus the needed 5 feet forward and then got on one of the other buses to continue my journey home.
I don't think this would have ever happened in the US. The bus breakdown would have happened, but people getting behind it to push? Never...

Where the Bus Stops

The bus stops in Beijing are massive, complicated examples of traffic management. Most of the stops I've seen in are 4-7 buses long and service up to 10 different lines. With any one bus line coming at 2-5 minute intervals, it's often a zoo of buses lined up at a bus stop.
If a bus driver comes upon an empty bus terminal, he (almost always a he) will pull up as far as possible to leave space for the buses behind him to enter the stop. This inevitably leads to a mass of people running to catch up with their bus at the far end of the stop. Each subsequent bus then pulls into the station and parks just inches behind the bus in front (I guess this maximizes space usage). The theory here is that the bus in front will pull away before the buses behind it are ready to pull away; they have been there longer, after all.
All in all, the system seems to work quite well and I haven't seen any people yet crushed between buses or hit by buses speeding into stops. The bus drivers seem to be very alert and are constantly scanning their mirrors while driving. But... what happens when the bus in front doesn't pull away? If it's just a matter of a dawdling bus driver, the other bus drivers are not at all shy about laying on the horn. In fact, they only wait a few seconds before hitting their horn (no camraderie is lost on them). To find out what happens if something goes truly wrong, you'll have to read the next post.

We Don't Make It Till You Order It

This past Sunday I was trying to run some errands on my skates. I stopped in at a fast-food chain noodle restaurant called Malan. I hadn't heard of the place before but it looked clean and had plenty of people inside. I did my normal random ordering of food and I chose a simple noodle dish.
The kitchen was completely open to view so I watched one of the guys in the back kneading dough and pulling it out into long strings. Cool! He was making noodles in the back. After 10 or 20 seconds, I realized that he was making my noodles! Even though it was a fast-food restaurant, there was enough training of the staff to have someone making noodles from scratch on demand. Kind of puts Burger King to shame since they can't even actually make the patties of their burgers much less knead the dough for the bread on-site (and they have used that famous tag-line). Just one of those pleasant reminders that you're in China.

What Price Food?

In my random explorations of the city, I sometimes grab a quick bite to eat at whatever place looks nice nearby. In these local restaurants/stands, I'm sometimes forced to order food using the same mechanism KM used to use with Thai Kitchen (blindly blurting out menu numbers on the phone).
One way to control how much and what kind of food I get is to compare menu prices. Items that are listed in the same section of a menu are generally the same kind of food. Prices that are close to each other generally give an indication of how much meat there is in a dish (relative to tofu or vegetables) and prices that are widely divergent generally indicate different sizes of a similar dish.
This has worked fairly well for a number of restaurants so I decided to stop at a dumpling/noodle restaurant that I saw. It was a little more local (less western) in decor and lighting but the location was near some major hotels so didn't think it was too off the beaten path. I wasn't that hungry so I chose a plate of Bao Zi (dumplings) for 3 Yuan. In my mind, 3 Yuan should have bought me either 1 dumpling (if this were an expensive plate) or 3 dumplings. Imagine my surprise when they brought out a full steamer with 12 dumplings. I just kind of froze because I didn't want to insult them by eating only 2 or 3 and wasting the rest. After making sure that I wasn't paying 3 Yuan per dumpling on the plate, I proceeded to polish of 6 or 7 dumplings. I stuffed in the last two in me just so I could finish more than half the plate but it was hard moving around after that.
I think I had better actually learn to read menus correctly instead of coming up with complicated comparison formulas.

Utility Madness - Foreigner's Tax

Some people had been wondering whether we were paying a special rich-foreigner tax for our utilities because of where we live. I asked some locals at work how much they were paying for utilities and they gave numbers that were within range of my numbers. So, it seems that energy is quite expensive for local Chinese folks since it is approximately the same converted price as in the United States.
If and when the Yuan is revalued even more than it curently is, I wonder if these costs will go down. You can't very well keep the prices this high if the value of the Yuan increases relative to the dollar, can you?

The Incident... and the Punchline

We started off in Beijing on the wrong foot (actually, Beijing started off with us on the wrong foot). On our first day or two here, we decided to go and attempt to open a bank account at the Bank of China. We needed to do this because: a) it's a good idea to have a local bank, b) I needed a local bank for some work payments, and c) Bank of China was the only option for work. I knew that not all branches had english-forms or english speakers but our books indicated that it was possible at the larger, downtown branches.
Using a taxibook of high-profile addresses, SN and I hopped in a cab. We were promptly dropped off at the correct address on Ya Bao Lu (Ya Bao Street, henceforth known as Russian Mafia Street). After looking around quickly, we concluded that their was a Bank of Beijing at this address but no Bank of China... looks like the taxibook was a bit dated. The Ya Bao Shopping Center was Russian central in Beijing. All signs were in Russian and the styles on display in the ads and stores were very reminiscent of my impression of Russia (e.g. models with large, multi-colored eye shadow and frizzy bride-of-frankenstein hair, expensive watches, etc.). From what I've read, the only way you could be a rich person in Russia is if you're in business and paying off the Mafia or it you are the Mafia.
The information people inside the shopping center told us the Bank of China was nearby and drew a little map. They said it was about 20 minutes walking. As it was 100 degrees outside, we decided to take a bike rickshaw. There was a line of them outside so we motioned to one and showed where we wanted to go. He nodded and indicated 2 yuan. The number seemed a little low but I quickly compared it to what bike rickshaw drivers get in India for short distances and 2 yuan was a reasonable amount for a few minutes of riding.
He took us to our destination and by now we were pretty displeased since their was no Bank of China at this new location either. As SN walked in to the building to see what was going on, I attempted to pay the driver his two yuan. He kept shoving the money back at me and started going on about 200 yuan. I kept thinking I had misheard him and kept pulling out 20 yuan (which was a huge amount but I was in no mood to bother over a matter of 18 yuan). He absolutely refused and got belligerent. I stuffed the 20 yuan in his bike rickshaw and started walking away. He followed me the whole distance so now I knew that we had entered into a bluffing match. He was trying to bully me into paying 200 yuan by scaring me with his presence and I was making a play to let him know that his bullying wasn't going to work. Of course, I tried to make sure that much of this bluffing and posturing occurred while SN was removed from the situation in some way.
At this point, SN came out, I told her the situation and we tried to get the guards at the local building to help us out. They were polite in listening to me and promptly laughed at the rickshaw driver when he tried to explain that he deserved 200 yuan for all of his hard work. Even though they laughed, there was no help in keeping him off of us or getting him to move on. The guards find his request amusing but I guess, in the end, it wasn't their problem. After a bit of heated conversation by all parties, SN went off to get in a cab. I decided to wait until she was far awat until I made a move to walk away because the guy was close to getting physical and I wasn't comfortable with having SN nearby when I was going to provoke him.
I made sure SN was in the cab (about a quarter-block down the street) before I started walking. The driver now tried to get in my way so I just kept walking past him. He then started trying to punch me and hold me back. I was busy deflecting his punches and pulling his arms off of me. By now, we were out of sight of the guardshack. We grappled for a few more seconds before I shook him off, got past him and kept moving toward the cab.
I guess he decided that the time for bluffing was over because he ran in front of me and grabbed a piece of cement off the ground and made a move as if to swing it. By this point, I realized I had lost the full bluffing game and moved back in sight of the guardshack (I at least needed witnesses). Seeing this, SN got out of the cab and I'm sure the cab driver was relieved to find out he wasn't going to lose a window by picking up a fare.
After a bit more heated negotiation, SN went back inside the building to change a 100 yuan note so I could pay the driver a total of 50 yuan for his few minutes effort. I was pretty displeased that I was paying him a 10x reward for his belligerence because it worked for him and he was rewarded for being an ass. Unfortunately, we had just moved to Beijing so we didn't have all the information we needed in order to make a more official stand against paying him (calling police, foreigner's help line, embassy, etc.). I couldn't help but feel that in our payment, we had doomed other foreigners to the same fate in the future. On the other hand, we learned a valuable lesson for only 50 yuan. The same lesson could have required more money or other, less tangible, currency. We were fairly lucky that we only lost some simple yuan.
I think our days of riding bike rackshaws in China is over and it's a shame. I've had great experiences and relaxing trips using bike rickshaws in India and I'm sorry that I won't be able to do the same in Beijing. Subsequent reading indicates that this is a common scam that bike rickshaws use on foreigners (other forms are giving a single price and then indicating that it was a per person price at the end of the ride). Apparently, even native Beijing'ers have problems with the bike rickshaws.
The really tragic part of the story happened a few weeks later. This past Saturday morning, I was doing some random exploration of downtown Beijing on my skates. I happened across Russian Mafia street and decided to check it out again with my more experienced eyes. Yep, still super-rich Russian stores and ads and signs. I got to the shopping center and confirmed that there was still no Bank of China at that address. But what did I see when I rounded the corner and looked to my right? An enormous branch office of ... The Bank of China. *sigh*