The Toilet Blues

With the Olympics in Beijing, everyone expects a post about toilets.  Here's mine.  At my company, we had nice, normal white urinals of a fairly normal design.  They were the same as any urinals anywhere and they worked quite well.

I also own a lot of pants and I try to keep them neat and clean (the segue is not as jarring if you read on).  Recently, I began to notice that all my pants were starting to get a couple of small blue dots at the mid-to-lower thigh region.  I couldn't figure out where they were coming from.  They washed out just fine but I still couldn't trace the source.

Recently (as well), the company had been getting some complaints about the smell in the bathroom.  Being quite responsive, they started putting those small, blue urinal cakes in the urinals (see where I'm going with this?).  Great idea, no more smell.  Unfortunately, they didn't include the all important "urinal cake holder" that you see in the west... It's really important.

Urinals are designed to avoid splashing and spraying (especially back onto the user).  It's a solved problem.  They are designed with smooth curves and no hard corners.  Unfortunately, by adding the urinal cakes without their holders, we've now got some hard corners that seem to promote back-spatter.  Add the fact that their blue, and you've got the makings of a real problem (at least for me).  The urinal cake holders are designed to slightly elevate the cake and dissapate the force of the liquid (thus reducing the spatter that could cause problems).

I'm currently contemplating how to raise this issue to my company in the most formal manner possible without opening myself up to ridicule and shame.  It surely isn't possible that I'm the only one that's had a problem with this, is it?

P.S. - I've managed to fix the problem for myself by changing my ... uh ... behavior and positioning.

Shiny on the Outside - Opening Ceremonies

Alas, another negative comment about the opening ceremonies. :(  I just hate to do this but it really irritates me.

There was a great section of the ceremonies where a 9 year-old girl sang in front of the entire stadium.  It was great singing and it was impressive to see that from such a young person in such a high pressure setting.  Everyone was amazed.  Turns out that it was also a fabrication. *grumble*

Apparently, the little girl (7 years old) that endured to the end of the singing contests and was chosen for having the best voice and ability was axed at the last minute because she wasn't cute enough.  They replaced her with another girl (of undeniable cuteness) and in a great injustice, had the original girl's voice be the one that was broadcast throughtout the stadium (and the world). Turns out that this was just another lip-syncing effort like so many other singers in the past.

The Chinese say that they had their reasons for this but I don't agree.  Packaged performances (like movies, etc.) are known to be "constructed" to provide the best possible experience.  Live performances are invogorating and astonishing because they happen in real life.  The reality (and integrity) are part of the what makes them appealing to people.  Without that feeling of authenticity, there's no reason to enjoy these events in person.  Just give me a movie and tell me it's a movie.  Don't "pretend" you've given me authenticity.

Of course, the whole notion of authenticity may be out-dated and it's certainly not an overriding concern in China.  On a variety of levels, China operates under the assumption that if it looks the same on the outside, then it must work the same on the inside.  Much of the miracle of China is built on this assumption and rest assured, all gilded ages (and cultures) have eventually collapsed under the weight of the facades they build up.  Just because it's shiny on the outside doesn't mean it isn't rotting underneath.

Dance, Dance, Dance

No, this is not a reference to Haruki Murakami's mesmirising book.  There are things about Beijing that visitors may not see (or understand) and I want to make sure some of them come up here.  Does it mean that everything in Beijing is great? No!  But it does mean that you can fall in love with Beijing despite all of the negative things that sometimes appear.

On almost any summer night, you can go around Beijing and many of the open areas, parks or playgrounds are covered with middle-aged and elderly couples engaged in ... dance and dance.  Usually it's western ballroom dance but sometimes you can find taichi or other, more synchronized practice sessions.

As a westerner (yes, Indians are also westerners here), I didn't "get it" at first.  I appreciated it but then I asked a local about who organizes all of these dance sessions.  They looked at me strangely and didn't even understand the question.  I pressed on, "Does the government organize these sessions or the local neighborhood committees or ... who?"  The answer: The sessions are completely spontaneous, nobody organizes them!

It just happens when someone with a big jukebox (maybe with exernal speakers) runs a power line and then just starts playing music.  Someone will come and offer to lead the groups and then everyone will just start dancing.  The skill level isn't too high but ... who cares?  It's a beautiful thing to see and everyone/anyone can join in without worrying about payment or embarrassment.  People do have some "fees" to cover costs but they are so low that it makes the dancing almost free and doesn't hinder one-time visitors from just joining without thinking about it.

I have never seen something like this anywhere else.  Sure, there are sometimes outdoor dancing sessions in other cities but they are always so organized and transitory.  This is just a reflection of the desire of the local people to be outside in the evening and dance until the sun goes down.  What could be better?

Not Sold Here - Butter Dish

China is a modern country (like many others).  As a world(ly) person, I know that almost anything I really need, I'll be able to find.  It might be a little bit different but it will serve the same purpose.  Anything that really isn't available is usually because of some cultural bias (the locals don't like things like that) or just a pure oversight (the locals never realized they needed something like that).  Maybe this will be come a series of posts about what these unavailable things are.  For now, I have 2 items to share.

The Ice Cube Tray - The ice cube trays in China are just junk.  You can visit high-end apartments, low-end huts, local vendors and luxury department stores.  They are all the same.  I searched and searched and eventually had to bring ice cube trays from the US.  Someone said that it was probably because people don't use ice very much so they don't need good trays.  I'm not sure I believe this.  This is definitely a case where people just don't know how much their ice cube trays suck.  I have people visit and when they use the imported trays (imported? hah, they're probably still made here) they are astonished at how well they work.

The Butter Dish - You can look all over this great city and you will not find a proper butter dish anywhere.  Apparently, Chinese people don't need butter dishes.  I can't even find them in the imported goods stores!  Actually, this wouldn't bother me so much if they didn't also sell sticks of butter at all the supermarkets (what do they do with the butter sticks?).  For now, I've been using a plastic soap container (meant for the soap bars in the bathroom).  The humanity...

It's Called the Olympics ... stupid!

Ao yun hui (奥运会) - Olympics.  It took me an embarrassingly long time to learn the characters and correct pinyin for the Olympics.  I kept thinking they would use something that sounded more like O-lee but it was not to be.  However, I recently discovered that instead of using this name, some of the locals in Beijing are referring to the Olympics as nao yun hui (闹运会).  In a fit of inspiration, they have replaced the first character with another that means ... trouble (as in: to stir up).  What a great insight into how the normal man on the street has both pride in the Olympics being in China but also an understanding of how much trouble the Olympics has caused to their daily life.

As you might imagine, the story is not over.  I was none too pleased to here the following word used during the opening ceremonies.  After all my trouble to understand and memorize the words above, they go and use this at the actual event: ao lin pi ke (奥林匹克).

The Opening Ceremonies

Okay, time for a few comments about the Opening Ceremonies.  I thought they were great.  Just incredible, fabulous, breathtaking and monumental.  I saw things happening in the stadium (and the city) that I had never seen before.  Most of the expats I know also had similar reactions to the event.  Given that were expecting to see a smog-filled stadium, I think we were just happy the cameras could see the other side of the stadium (and the smog seemed to magically clear up for the long-distance, external shots of the city).

I was surprised that a substantial number of the locals didn't like the Opening Ceremonies.  The complaints? "Too much Chinese history, they should have shown more of modern China."  "Just a repeat of the show in Yangshuo by the same director." "Too much like a movie and not a real performance." ... Let's stick on that movie comment.  

There were a lot of outdoor shots of fireworks across the city and we were amazed that the city could be so clear after dense smog we had during the day.  We thought that perhaps the light from the fireworks cut through the smog.  There was also a scene where giant firework footsteps were stomping across the city on the way to Bird's Nest.  The scene from a helicopter/plane was incredible.  I and the people around me commented, "Wow, it's just like a movie shot!  The view was absolutely perfect."

Problem was: It was a movie shot. >:(  They faked the giant footsteps because it was "too dangerous" for a flying vehicle to get the live shot (although the fireworks actually did occur).  I'm not sure this is the end of the story.  I think back to our surprise over how clear the skyline was and the great visibility of the fireworks across the city and now I'm filled with doubts.  On a higher level, I guess I don't have a big problem with computer-generated effects ... for a movie.  For a live event where the point is the fact that it is a real event, I want to see what it really looked like.

Your Safety is Our Top Concern

My first post about the Olympics in Beijing isn't about what I had planned.  The United States experienced it's first death at the Olympics in Beijing and I feel honor-bound to provide some small defense for Beijing.  I can't imagine what it must be like for a family to go to the Olympics on vacation and then suddenly be the victims for such a random (and deadly) attack.  It's enough to bring you to tears.  However, Beijing shouldn't be tarnished with a broad brush as a result of this incident.

Bejing is one of the safest cities of its size anywhere in the world (if not the safest).  The level of safety here is surreal.  I have never felt any danger or worries in any part of the city at any time of day.  It's not just because I'm a man.  Women as well say that they feel so free in Beijing because they can move around the city alone without worry.

This incident unfortunately casts a pall over one of Beijng's best (and most subtle) features.  I can't imagine a city of 20 million people in which people live in such safety.  I can't even imagine a city of 500,000 people with this kind of safety.

Interestingly, the most danger I have felt was in the expat sections of town in a bar/restaurant district.  Predictably, it was a bar fight atmosphere that left me quite shaken because it was so ... unexpected in Beijing.  Anyway, just to put in my two cents.

At the Beach - Tread Carefully

  On a lighter note, the beach started with people being buried in the sand (as is so tempting when someone is lying on the sand). Of course, when this happens, the men have to have breasts sculpted, bikinis drawn, etc. I will spare you the photos (actually, I will spare me the photos).

  This lead to references to the Friends episode where Joey falls asleep and the other bury him in sands and give him breasts. After his initial surprise, he decides their quite fetching and gives his trademark smile.

  The next day was spent at another beach on an island. After everyone was tired out from from the water, we were all leaving the water in order to play some cards and relax. One girl managed to get stung by a jellyfish only 5 seconds before she was out of the water (big long marks all around her leg). While we tried to diagnose her and get some medical help, we invariably referenced the second half of the episode and offered to relieve her pain in the same manner as Chandler relieved Monica's jellyfish sting. :) We were quickly rebuffed.

Austin Powers: Truth is Stranger Than Fiction

  What can one say about this picture?  This is not a preview scene from the newest Austin Powers movie.  This picture was published in the 1 August edition of Beijing Today.  Actual caption, you ask? "People's Armed Police are using Segway-like vehicles in their anti-terrorism drills."
  I believe this is part of the new People's Army initiative aimed at humanitarian crowd control and comedy-based anti-terrorism training.  Any serious terrorist would fall over laughing if they had to face this elite force.  Good luck to the police and congratulations to the local Segway dealer.