Cooking and Cleaning

  I've just spent my first week at a temporary apartment after my hotel stay ended.  So, my real life in Houston is just starting.  I spent the first few days doing normal things.  You know, cooking food (and eating it) and wearing clothes (and tossing them in a pile).  After a few days, I began to notice something.

  Many days had gone by and the dishes in the sink weren't magically putting themselves into the cupboards (cleaned, of course). Even worse, the dirty clothes were still there.  What was going on?  I eventually figured it out.  I hadn't involuntarily done dishes or washed clothing for over three and a half years. My ayi, Ai Hua, had been with me for my entire time in Beijing and she just took care of everything.

  I thought about this long and hard ... because I wasn't about to start washing dishes!  While I did miss having all the housework taken care of, that wasn't the real issue.  Ai Hua had become a dear friend over the years and she not only treated me well, but anyone who stayed at my house was also treated like a family member.  After my mother visited me, she confided that meeting Ai Hua had relieved a lot of her fears about me living alone in China.

  So, in the end, what I miss most about that situation is that I knew that it was Ai Hua that was spending all that time in my house.  It wasn't the housework; it was having someone in my home that I trusted, respected and just plain liked.  I will miss her.

  Oh yeah, one more thing; I will always smile at the memory of coming home early one day and catching her ironing my shirts topless. (Not that I actually saw anything, just screaming, flailing arms and fast movement).

Where's My TPS Report?

You know that your life has taken a slightly wrong turn when you watch Office Space and you realize that your current identity most closely correlates not with the plucky engineer but rather with the TPS Report Boss who carries around a coffee mug all the time.

Like White On Rice

  I've recently started eating brown rice again and I've discovered a problem.  There is no way that brown rice and white rice can both be called rice.  They taste nothing like each other.  It's as non-sensical as callling a daikon (白萝卜) a white carrot (萝卜) .  As you can see, the Chinese already do this but that still doesn't excuse this problem with the rice.

  I don't care if they come from the same plant and one is a processed version of the other.  After all, pork changes it's name to ham and bacon as it gets processed.  I don't know who is getting the greater disservice, but I still maintain that they can't both be called rice. 

Bad Acronym Decisions

I know that I should be making inciseful and interesting observations about American culture since I've just moved back to the United States. All of that will have to wait until I get the following off my chest.

My new office building in Houston also houses a company called Financial Analysis Group.
...
I would do anything to not have that be the acronym for my company.

... Because It's Time To Go

I've just left Beijing after three and a half years.  Of all my emotions, I want to remember everything I've done and all of the good and bad experiences of my life in China.  In the shortest format possible, here is the first installment (items in red are late additions thanks to friends reminding me):

• I have a friend whose monthly income equaled my hourly wage
• I have a friend whose monthly income equals my yearly wage
• I sailed in a yacht race in Hong Kong and Shenzhen
• I climbed a mountain (okay, just the Fragarant Hills)
• I swam in QingHai Lake with my best friend ... and we both got yelled at
• I got to visit Harbin, the KangXi Grasslands, Wu Yuan, ShangHai, Taiwan, NingXia, Inner Mongolia, Xian, DaTong, Hainan, Tibet, Qing Hai, Hong Kong, Shenzhen, QuZhou, Guilin and XinDaiHe (and I still have so much to see in China)
• I was given a Chinese name and I loved it (周阿牛).  I love it because it always brings a smile to peoples' faces and it has so much meaning to me on so many different levels.
• I spent one night at a desert oasis
• I went out for a while with an actress/model
• I broke some hearts
• I had my heart broken
• I got divorced
• I learned to love myself (in general, of course)
• I learned to hate others (selectively, of course)
• I learned that Chinese people (as I expected) are just like everyone else.  They want to have a good job, enjoy life and spend time with their friends and family (the only difference is that many of them spit ... a lot)
• I found myself defending China to people in the United States.
• I found myself defending the United States to people in China
• I realized more ways in which I am actually Indian.
• I made many mistakes.  To those I affected (and you know who you are) ... I'm sorry.
• I managed to do a few things right.  I know this because a few people told me so.
• Despite my best efforts to avoid it, I still have some regrets about the path not taken
• I loved living next to "crap alley".  The people living in that hutong were wonderful.
• I was followed around by camera crew for a few weeks
• I learned to sail ... a little bit
• I learned to ride a motorcycle from a teacher that spoke no English
• I learned enough Chinese to feed myself and get from point A to point B
• I can read 200-300 Chinese characters (simplified, of course)
• I can write about 100 Chinese characters (again, simplified)
• I had a maid for 3 years that came every week for 16 hours and made me 1 meal a week. I cried the last time I saw her (as did she).
• I was a judge for an international modeling competition.  Apparently, I was better suited to be a judge instead of a contestant.
• I was (slightly) involved in a bar fight
• I had to drag a friend home after s/he was poisoned by bad alcohol
• I learned to dance salsa ... 3 times ... and I still can't do it right
• I tried to sing karaoke ... and ended up embarrassing a friend from work.  I tried again and ended up embarrassing myself.
• I went snowboarding for the first time
• I got my picture in a local magazine for providing my views about women's fashion
• I got my picture in a local magazine after dressing up like a cheerleader for Halloween (I just missed being a mummy)
• I got to be the MC for my company's Annual Dinner
• I got to play the role of a bumbling security guard in my company's music video
• I got to do the Axe Dance from Kung Fu Hustle for my company's Annual Dinner
• I did some voice recording for a Chinese audio textbook to teach English to junior high kids.  I really hope they recover from the experience.
• I participated in a friend's birthday auction for charity by offering a motorcycle ride and a home-cooked dinner.  I was sold to another man for 100 yuan.
• I participated in a charity bachelor auction to raise money for kids affected by the SiChuan earthquake.  An evening with me is apparently worth 500 yuan (after frenzied bidding support from my friends).
• I impersonated an editor at a major fashion magazine for a public event
• I am not at all bitter about the fact that after I devoted 7+ years to my project at work, I didn't even get a farewell lunch. (How's that for passive/aggressive?)
• I had a haircut that almost reduced me to tears (and I wrongly yelled at my friend who recommended the hair stylist)
• I had the cheapest dinner I've ever had (and I didn't even get sick afterward)
• I had the most expensive dinner I've ever had (and was ridiculed by a local, Chinese friend)
• I ate some things that I would never have otherwise put in my mouth; and loved them
• I found my limits on what I will willingly put into my mouth a second time (and sometimes not even the first time)
• I had four friends who lived at my house at various times
• I often stayed out all night ... and danced
• I used my in-line skates to get all over Beijing (and rightly scared some people in the process)
• I got to live in a 30th floor apartment (and eventually was banished to the 7th floor when the landlord decided the apartment was so nice that he wanted to live there)
• I spent one Golden Week Holiday completely by myself and wondered about where my life was heading
• I once sat in a park and cried during a particularly difficult time
• I once sat in a park and tried to sleep off the alcohol
• I started drinking beer (without making a face or psyching myself up)
• I spent a vacation living in a yurt in Inner Mongolia
• It took me one year to start texting. By the time I left, I was up to 1000 texts per month.
• I celebrated many birthdays and attended several weddings.
• I found some kindred spirits and keep wishing that I had spent more time with them.
• I have such fond memories of Beijing and the people I know from there.  I already miss it and them.
• A new definition of "A Life Well-Lived": I cried for the friends I left behind when I came to China and I cried for the friends I left behind when leaving China.