If the United Nations Really Cared...

Here's my rant about the United Nations. I know that they are working hard on the BIG problems in this world in order to improve our lives. However, in working on the BIG problems, they miss the small problems that really make our daily lives difficult.  In China, these are the things that make my life difficult and I would love for the UN to step in and fix things:

1.  All electrical appliances would accept the following voltages: 100-240v, 50-60Hz. Without exception. This would improve my life immeasurably and would probably reduce manufacturing costs as well.
2. Flogging (or death) for people that violate the "walk left-stand right" rule on escalators and moving walkways (there's even a website).
3. All water faucets must follow the "left hot, right cold" rule.  For circular handles, it's "counter-clockwise hot, clockwise cold".
4. All cell phones (and any battery-powered electrical appliance smaller than a toaster) would be rechargeable using a USB charger. Oh wait, the Chinese government already mandated this for cell phones! Thanks for nothing UN.

When They Come ...

There are only two things that I'm sure will happen when the aliens finally land:

1. They'll eat the fat ones first
   
2. They'll look at earthling battery technology and wonder, "How did they get so far with such crappy batteries?"
   

Going Sailing : Introduction

  Another example of how great it is to live in China.  I recently participated in the China Cup International Regatta (Asia's largest regatta), as a sailor on a the Beijing Sailing Center team.  My prior experience?  2 days of sailing on a dinghy.  Why do I think this is important enough to post on the blog?  Well ... for one thing, I'm boasting and for another thing ... I'm boasting.

  I mean, how cool is that?  I get to participate in an international competition with teams from all over the world.  After the competition finished, I could call myself an "International Athlete" and put myself in the same category as Bolt (of Olympic fame).

  Despite the fact that noone on the team had ever sailed a Beneteau First 40.7, our incredible skipper (Alfie) and boss (Rick) managed to forge a team out of only 6 sailors (3 of whom were completely new to racing yachts).  More posts about our 7 days of sailing to come.  For now, here are some of the published photos from the race website that pertain to our team:

Our Skipper Alfie : So Professional ... Looking
That's my backside in front and Cuyler's rear-end in the back

• An article written about one of our team members (Cuyler) while using a picture of Alfie.  Apparently, Cuyler was not pretty enough.
• An article where we proclaim our love for China.

At the Beach - Tread Carefully

  On a lighter note, the beach started with people being buried in the sand (as is so tempting when someone is lying on the sand). Of course, when this happens, the men have to have breasts sculpted, bikinis drawn, etc. I will spare you the photos (actually, I will spare me the photos).

  This lead to references to the Friends episode where Joey falls asleep and the other bury him in sands and give him breasts. After his initial surprise, he decides their quite fetching and gives his trademark smile.

  The next day was spent at another beach on an island. After everyone was tired out from from the water, we were all leaving the water in order to play some cards and relax. One girl managed to get stung by a jellyfish only 5 seconds before she was out of the water (big long marks all around her leg). While we tried to diagnose her and get some medical help, we invariably referenced the second half of the episode and offered to relieve her pain in the same manner as Chandler relieved Monica's jellyfish sting. :) We were quickly rebuffed.

... and Sadness

I saw a man die on Tuesday night.  I think it was the first time in my life.  I didn't realize that until the next morning.
I'm going to the St. Andrew's Ball on Saturday night.  I'm not sure who St. Andrew was but I do know that he's Scottish enough for the Beijing Scots to throw him a formal ball every year.  Since they actually expect you to dance Scottish line/couples dances, the organizing committee is cool enough to hold a few practice dance sessions.  Last Tuesday was my first session.
The dance practice had been on for about a half-hour and I was started to get worried that I wasn't in the right physical shape to last a whole night.  Then, suddenly, the crowd seemed to react at once, hushed up and everyone turned the same direction.  The leader of the organizing committee had just hit the floor and blood was starting to pool under his head.
We found out later he had suffered a heart attack; and not, as everyone thought, slipped and hit his head on the floor.  I'm not sure why, but me and several other people were slightly comforted by this.  It doesn't make sense, but it was true.
Several people had already started examining him to determine if they could roll him over, start CPR, etc.  Not wanting to join the melee, I decided to call the International SOS to get an ambulance over right away.  After all, I had an emergency number specifically designed for clueless expats to get immediate medical help while living in China.
I was stunned with the response.  First, I got a couple of recordings (not sure what they were but they didn't order an ambulance automatically).  I quickly summed up the situation (and location) to the operator and she said,"Okay.  Now what's your name?"
Me: "Uhh... Anuj Goel. Is the ambulance on it's way?"
SOS: "Okay, is the man a friend of yours?"
Me: "... Yes.  Is the ambulance on it's way?"
SOS: "Okay, hold please while I connect you to the doctor."
Me:"No, wait.  I don't want"  "... to talk to the doctor."
After getting her back on the line, I kept asking about the ambulance and she finally told me that she was going to connect me to the chinese 119 hotline.
Me:"No, don't connect me.  You talk to them.  That's why I called you.  I can't tell them anything."
SOS:"... Oh.  Okay.  Let me check with them."
... minutes pass
SOS:"Sir, our ambulance will be there in 20 minutes."
Me:"What?  Why 20 minutes?  You're less than 2 kilometers from here!"
SOS:"We have only one driver and he was sleeping at home.  He has to come in to the hospital to get the ambulance."
Me:"You call that an ambulance service?  Call the city's ambulance dispatch!"
... minute or two
SOS:"Sir, someone else from your location called in Chinese and said that the ambulance was already there."
Puzzled, I looked around.  I was on the ground floor on one side of the building and could see straight through to the other side of the building and the street opposite.  No lights, no ambulance.
Me:"Uhhh... there's no ambulance here.  Did you talk to the ambulance dispatch?  Did they confirm that?"
SOS:"I told them about it..."
Me:"Listen, you should only get information from them.  Can you ask them if they sent an ambulance and just tell me how much longer we have to wait?"
NOTE: It seems like I was calm, cool and collected but I was not.  I was exasperated, angry and frustrated (with all of the impact that has on vocabulary, tone and diction).
... minute
SOS:"Sir, the ambulance is on it's way and will be there shortly."
... minute later, ambulance arrives, I hang up.
By this time, at least 20 minutes had passed.  I don't know if the delay in the ambulance had an impact on this poor man's life.  I think that the ambulance probably came because one of the local folks had called 119 directly and had it sent (meaning, I had no impact on the event).
His wife is apparently adamant that the ball go on as scheduled (he was devoted to it) but I don't know what the mood of the night will be.
I hope he had a peaceful ending.  He was apparently doing something he loved (dancing) until his last moment.  I've just learned a valuable lesson and life seems just a bit shorter now.
...
And also, I'm going to draft a very stern letter to the International SOS.

Personal Milestones - Happiness ...

Sometimes, fate decides to give you two complementary events to remind you that you can't have happiness without a little bit of pain.  Keeping that in mind, I'll give you the good news first (bad news in the next post)...
================================
I'm in Beijing.  The sky is blue, the air is clear and I hear birds singing in the background.  Can anyone tell that my divorce papers were just signed (and finalized) by the judge?