A Mother Gives Up

Question: What, exactly are these photos of?
Some people may say, "Oooh! Someone took a normal screen door and painted some pretty flowers on it." That is what it looks like but that's not what it is.
These are pictures of what happens when a mother abandons all hope regarding her son's intelligence. I am referring to a son who has walked through the screen door one too many times (the latest time while carrying a set of dishes; not all of which survived the encounter).
I can only say one thing to this mother, "I'm sorry for the screen door and for your deep disappointment."

Anuj Attempts a Eulogy

  At my grandfather's funeral last weekend, my mother had asked me if I could say a few words.  I agreed but I know that I'm an emotional guy so I was a bit worried about being able to get through a "few words" while maintaining any coherent speech patterns amidst the sobbing and sucking in of air.  Difficult, but doable.

  About two minutes before the ceremony, my brother pulls me aside and tells me that our mom has asked him to be the MC and that he has decided that I'll be giving the main eulogy. I gave him a murderous look (I know, odd given the circumstances) and set to work expanding my "few words."  Here's what I came up with.

  "My grandfather was an honourable man.  I know this from the stories other people told me about him and from what I remember of him.  Some have said that perhaps he was too honourable.  That at some points in his life, he was honourable to the point that other, less honourable people took advantage of him.  Be that as it may; he had a vision of who he was and how he would live his life.  He wouldn't let the dishonour of others control how he lived his life.  I believe he was in control of his life until the very end when all he'd lost control of was his death.

  I never saw him frown.  Sure, I've heard stories about him being angry or being stern, but I never saw it.  I only remember his smiles and laughs.  The closest he came to an even-set face or sadness what when he talked about the injustice of being allowed to see the death of a daughter-in-law and a grandson.

  Last of all my grandfather was really very cool, mischievous and had a sharp mind.  He wasn't above using his grandchildren to make life difficult for his own kids.  I remember coming home from University with my hair starting to grow long and sporting a new earring.  My parents were not judgemental but both he and I knew that they assumed it was a phase that I would grow out of (and maybe I would have).  When I saw him, he sat me down.  He told me that when he was my age, he had his ears pierced (both of them!) and wore these long earrings.  His sabotage was successful.  I still have my earring."

My Set Is Now Complete

Some people have a knack for using just the right phrase to make an impact.  Here's a story my brother told about my grandfather at his funeral this past weekend.  Of course, I have paraphrased his speech due to my inability to remember everything.

  "For those of you that know me, you know I'm a fairly private person.  One example of that is that I don't like to make a big deal about my birthday.  I would rather the day just passed without the big party or all the attention. While I was in college and graduate school, I had roommates who always seemed to know when my birthday was coming and threw a party.  It took me a long time to figure out how they knew since they never really knew the exact day of my birthday.

  My grandfather's name is very easy to remember, Dr. Hom Chand.  My roommates would simply wait for a large, brightly colored envelope which had a return address with the name Dr. Hom Chand.  Then they knew my birthday was near.  I've saved every birthday card he sent me and now, it seems that my set is complete.  Even though there won't be any more cards, I will always remember that he will be close to me on my birthday and he always had a way of making sure that those around me also celebrated my birthday with me."

I'm Moving In

I've just moved in to a new, permanent apartment and it has sucked down all sorts of time, heartache, sorrow and energy.  I'm living in the Post Rice Lofts. (On the left side, click on "Select Desired Community" and scroll down to Post Rice).

Here's a link to some photos on Flickr if you're in the mood to see the before and after shots.  Of course, this means before my stuff was delivered and then immediately after my stuff was delivered.  I haven't even come close to cleaning up yet!  More info on what's going on in a bit.

Photos on Flickr.

Where Am I?

Based on popular demand, here are a few photos of where I've spent the last few months.

HOME:

  I've been living in a temporary housing situation (month-to-month rent for a furnished apartment) that has worked out quite well.  It's a small 1+ bedroom house in the backlot of a street where the owners manage almost all the properties on that block.  Great people.  These first two photos are looking from the driveway at the house.  On the left you can see my car (which is now in the shop getting its windows fixed *grumble*).

  Here's another photo of the view looking back out at the street.  You can see how far back this house is.

WORK:

  Here are some images of my workplace.  Before you go and get me into trouble, let me make sure you understand that these are pictures of my building and pictures of the view from my office.  Anything you see inside my office is entirely incidental and not at all indicative of my true work environment or any secret Schlumberer information.  Can anyone tell that I've had a run-in with management over secrecy within the last year? :)

  Here are some images of the outside of the building.  You can see that one of them was taken from my car with the door open (the windows don't work, remember?  That's why it's in the shop!).

Following are a few pictures from the inside of my office.  For those of you in Beijing, it's a fairly clear day but not as clear as it could be.  I love having the long, uninterrupted views of my surroundings (not to mention being able to look down on the peasantry).

  In case you're wondering, I am writing this from the office because I have to take the bus (and/or walk) home tonight and I'm procrastinating.  Why?  My car is the shop!!  If you're prone to sympathy, I currently live about 10 miles from home but the bus system in Houston leaves a lot to be desired (namely, more buses).

Prejudice and Stereotype (I) - I Buy a Car

  I recently bought a car. (!!)  For those of you that know me, this is a really big deal.  For those of you that don't know me, well, I can tell you're not impressed.  It was a big task, choosing a car.  I started by deciding I wanted a used car.  Then I decided the car needed the following characteristics: 1) Nice, 2) Reliable, 3) Sporty, 4) Manual Transmission, and 5) 4-door. 

  The first two items meant that I could easily ignore all American brand cars.  As I looked at different cars online I decided it was time to upgrade and look at luxury car models.  After comparing a few car models (based on looks), I settled on buying a 5-8 year-old BMW 3-series or 5-series.  I just kept drifting back to those cars.  I took two weekends to visit various private sellers (the dealerships kept being closed on Sundays and their prices were out-of-sight).  After some false starts, I found what I was looking for, bargained hard (to no effect) and drove away $8000 lighter but in a blue, manual 2002 BMW 325i.

 Now, these aren't pictures of my car but they are just like photos of my car.  I decided that these photos are better than any I might take.  I'm really happy with the car and the only thing that broke within the first week was the automatic sun-roof.

  What does all this have to do with prejudice or stereotype?  I'm getting to it.  The first inkling I had that anything was wrong was  when I was visiting people to look at the BMWs they were selling.  Almost every one of them was South Asian (even the guys with names like Sam).  I'm a little slow so I didn't get it at first.  After I bought the car and showed it off to some friends, a few said, "Great car.  All Indians choose BMWs."

  Hey!! I didn't know that!  I looked around and sure enough, a lot of BMWs on the roads with Indians in the driver's seat.  How did this happen?  I do know that when I was figuring out which car to buy, I seemed to naturally gravitate to the BMWs.  Most of the competitor models just didn't hold my interest.  I thought back to my upbringing and my parents didn't have a BMW.  There aren't a lot of BMWs in India (and certainly not when I was younger).  I simply can't figure out what in my cultural upbringing pre-disposed me to these cars.

  Despite this, this is the car I wanted.  Culture can be a funny thing.  Stereotypes are even more subtle than people may imagine.  Somehow, culture can affect you in ways that you can't trace and can't even recognize until you make a certain choice.  I like my car and I don't know why.  Maybe the styling is evocative of the design on the chariots in the illustrated version of the Ramayana.  Maybe??

Cooking and Cleaning

  I've just spent my first week at a temporary apartment after my hotel stay ended.  So, my real life in Houston is just starting.  I spent the first few days doing normal things.  You know, cooking food (and eating it) and wearing clothes (and tossing them in a pile).  After a few days, I began to notice something.

  Many days had gone by and the dishes in the sink weren't magically putting themselves into the cupboards (cleaned, of course). Even worse, the dirty clothes were still there.  What was going on?  I eventually figured it out.  I hadn't involuntarily done dishes or washed clothing for over three and a half years. My ayi, Ai Hua, had been with me for my entire time in Beijing and she just took care of everything.

  I thought about this long and hard ... because I wasn't about to start washing dishes!  While I did miss having all the housework taken care of, that wasn't the real issue.  Ai Hua had become a dear friend over the years and she not only treated me well, but anyone who stayed at my house was also treated like a family member.  After my mother visited me, she confided that meeting Ai Hua had relieved a lot of her fears about me living alone in China.

  So, in the end, what I miss most about that situation is that I knew that it was Ai Hua that was spending all that time in my house.  It wasn't the housework; it was having someone in my home that I trusted, respected and just plain liked.  I will miss her.

  Oh yeah, one more thing; I will always smile at the memory of coming home early one day and catching her ironing my shirts topless. (Not that I actually saw anything, just screaming, flailing arms and fast movement).

... Because It's Time To Go

I've just left Beijing after three and a half years.  Of all my emotions, I want to remember everything I've done and all of the good and bad experiences of my life in China.  In the shortest format possible, here is the first installment (items in red are late additions thanks to friends reminding me):

• I have a friend whose monthly income equaled my hourly wage
• I have a friend whose monthly income equals my yearly wage
• I sailed in a yacht race in Hong Kong and Shenzhen
• I climbed a mountain (okay, just the Fragarant Hills)
• I swam in QingHai Lake with my best friend ... and we both got yelled at
• I got to visit Harbin, the KangXi Grasslands, Wu Yuan, ShangHai, Taiwan, NingXia, Inner Mongolia, Xian, DaTong, Hainan, Tibet, Qing Hai, Hong Kong, Shenzhen, QuZhou, Guilin and XinDaiHe (and I still have so much to see in China)
• I was given a Chinese name and I loved it (周阿牛).  I love it because it always brings a smile to peoples' faces and it has so much meaning to me on so many different levels.
• I spent one night at a desert oasis
• I went out for a while with an actress/model
• I broke some hearts
• I had my heart broken
• I got divorced
• I learned to love myself (in general, of course)
• I learned to hate others (selectively, of course)
• I learned that Chinese people (as I expected) are just like everyone else.  They want to have a good job, enjoy life and spend time with their friends and family (the only difference is that many of them spit ... a lot)
• I found myself defending China to people in the United States.
• I found myself defending the United States to people in China
• I realized more ways in which I am actually Indian.
• I made many mistakes.  To those I affected (and you know who you are) ... I'm sorry.
• I managed to do a few things right.  I know this because a few people told me so.
• Despite my best efforts to avoid it, I still have some regrets about the path not taken
• I loved living next to "crap alley".  The people living in that hutong were wonderful.
• I was followed around by camera crew for a few weeks
• I learned to sail ... a little bit
• I learned to ride a motorcycle from a teacher that spoke no English
• I learned enough Chinese to feed myself and get from point A to point B
• I can read 200-300 Chinese characters (simplified, of course)
• I can write about 100 Chinese characters (again, simplified)
• I had a maid for 3 years that came every week for 16 hours and made me 1 meal a week. I cried the last time I saw her (as did she).
• I was a judge for an international modeling competition.  Apparently, I was better suited to be a judge instead of a contestant.
• I was (slightly) involved in a bar fight
• I had to drag a friend home after s/he was poisoned by bad alcohol
• I learned to dance salsa ... 3 times ... and I still can't do it right
• I tried to sing karaoke ... and ended up embarrassing a friend from work.  I tried again and ended up embarrassing myself.
• I went snowboarding for the first time
• I got my picture in a local magazine for providing my views about women's fashion
• I got my picture in a local magazine after dressing up like a cheerleader for Halloween (I just missed being a mummy)
• I got to be the MC for my company's Annual Dinner
• I got to play the role of a bumbling security guard in my company's music video
• I got to do the Axe Dance from Kung Fu Hustle for my company's Annual Dinner
• I did some voice recording for a Chinese audio textbook to teach English to junior high kids.  I really hope they recover from the experience.
• I participated in a friend's birthday auction for charity by offering a motorcycle ride and a home-cooked dinner.  I was sold to another man for 100 yuan.
• I participated in a charity bachelor auction to raise money for kids affected by the SiChuan earthquake.  An evening with me is apparently worth 500 yuan (after frenzied bidding support from my friends).
• I impersonated an editor at a major fashion magazine for a public event
• I am not at all bitter about the fact that after I devoted 7+ years to my project at work, I didn't even get a farewell lunch. (How's that for passive/aggressive?)
• I had a haircut that almost reduced me to tears (and I wrongly yelled at my friend who recommended the hair stylist)
• I had the cheapest dinner I've ever had (and I didn't even get sick afterward)
• I had the most expensive dinner I've ever had (and was ridiculed by a local, Chinese friend)
• I ate some things that I would never have otherwise put in my mouth; and loved them
• I found my limits on what I will willingly put into my mouth a second time (and sometimes not even the first time)
• I had four friends who lived at my house at various times
• I often stayed out all night ... and danced
• I used my in-line skates to get all over Beijing (and rightly scared some people in the process)
• I got to live in a 30th floor apartment (and eventually was banished to the 7th floor when the landlord decided the apartment was so nice that he wanted to live there)
• I spent one Golden Week Holiday completely by myself and wondered about where my life was heading
• I once sat in a park and cried during a particularly difficult time
• I once sat in a park and tried to sleep off the alcohol
• I started drinking beer (without making a face or psyching myself up)
• I spent a vacation living in a yurt in Inner Mongolia
• It took me one year to start texting. By the time I left, I was up to 1000 texts per month.
• I celebrated many birthdays and attended several weddings.
• I found some kindred spirits and keep wishing that I had spent more time with them.
• I have such fond memories of Beijing and the people I know from there.  I already miss it and them.
• A new definition of "A Life Well-Lived": I cried for the friends I left behind when I came to China and I cried for the friends I left behind when leaving China.

If the United Nations Really Cared...

Here's my rant about the United Nations. I know that they are working hard on the BIG problems in this world in order to improve our lives. However, in working on the BIG problems, they miss the small problems that really make our daily lives difficult.  In China, these are the things that make my life difficult and I would love for the UN to step in and fix things:

1.  All electrical appliances would accept the following voltages: 100-240v, 50-60Hz. Without exception. This would improve my life immeasurably and would probably reduce manufacturing costs as well.
2. Flogging (or death) for people that violate the "walk left-stand right" rule on escalators and moving walkways (there's even a website).
3. All water faucets must follow the "left hot, right cold" rule.  For circular handles, it's "counter-clockwise hot, clockwise cold".
4. All cell phones (and any battery-powered electrical appliance smaller than a toaster) would be rechargeable using a USB charger. Oh wait, the Chinese government already mandated this for cell phones! Thanks for nothing UN.

When They Come ...

There are only two things that I'm sure will happen when the aliens finally land:

1. They'll eat the fat ones first
   
2. They'll look at earthling battery technology and wonder, "How did they get so far with such crappy batteries?"
   

Going Sailing : Introduction

  Another example of how great it is to live in China.  I recently participated in the China Cup International Regatta (Asia's largest regatta), as a sailor on a the Beijing Sailing Center team.  My prior experience?  2 days of sailing on a dinghy.  Why do I think this is important enough to post on the blog?  Well ... for one thing, I'm boasting and for another thing ... I'm boasting.

  I mean, how cool is that?  I get to participate in an international competition with teams from all over the world.  After the competition finished, I could call myself an "International Athlete" and put myself in the same category as Bolt (of Olympic fame).

  Despite the fact that noone on the team had ever sailed a Beneteau First 40.7, our incredible skipper (Alfie) and boss (Rick) managed to forge a team out of only 6 sailors (3 of whom were completely new to racing yachts).  More posts about our 7 days of sailing to come.  For now, here are some of the published photos from the race website that pertain to our team:

Our Skipper Alfie : So Professional ... Looking
That's my backside in front and Cuyler's rear-end in the back

• An article written about one of our team members (Cuyler) while using a picture of Alfie.  Apparently, Cuyler was not pretty enough.
• An article where we proclaim our love for China.

At the Beach - Tread Carefully

  On a lighter note, the beach started with people being buried in the sand (as is so tempting when someone is lying on the sand). Of course, when this happens, the men have to have breasts sculpted, bikinis drawn, etc. I will spare you the photos (actually, I will spare me the photos).

  This lead to references to the Friends episode where Joey falls asleep and the other bury him in sands and give him breasts. After his initial surprise, he decides their quite fetching and gives his trademark smile.

  The next day was spent at another beach on an island. After everyone was tired out from from the water, we were all leaving the water in order to play some cards and relax. One girl managed to get stung by a jellyfish only 5 seconds before she was out of the water (big long marks all around her leg). While we tried to diagnose her and get some medical help, we invariably referenced the second half of the episode and offered to relieve her pain in the same manner as Chandler relieved Monica's jellyfish sting. :) We were quickly rebuffed.

... and Sadness

I saw a man die on Tuesday night.  I think it was the first time in my life.  I didn't realize that until the next morning.
I'm going to the St. Andrew's Ball on Saturday night.  I'm not sure who St. Andrew was but I do know that he's Scottish enough for the Beijing Scots to throw him a formal ball every year.  Since they actually expect you to dance Scottish line/couples dances, the organizing committee is cool enough to hold a few practice dance sessions.  Last Tuesday was my first session.
The dance practice had been on for about a half-hour and I was started to get worried that I wasn't in the right physical shape to last a whole night.  Then, suddenly, the crowd seemed to react at once, hushed up and everyone turned the same direction.  The leader of the organizing committee had just hit the floor and blood was starting to pool under his head.
We found out later he had suffered a heart attack; and not, as everyone thought, slipped and hit his head on the floor.  I'm not sure why, but me and several other people were slightly comforted by this.  It doesn't make sense, but it was true.
Several people had already started examining him to determine if they could roll him over, start CPR, etc.  Not wanting to join the melee, I decided to call the International SOS to get an ambulance over right away.  After all, I had an emergency number specifically designed for clueless expats to get immediate medical help while living in China.
I was stunned with the response.  First, I got a couple of recordings (not sure what they were but they didn't order an ambulance automatically).  I quickly summed up the situation (and location) to the operator and she said,"Okay.  Now what's your name?"
Me: "Uhh... Anuj Goel. Is the ambulance on it's way?"
SOS: "Okay, is the man a friend of yours?"
Me: "... Yes.  Is the ambulance on it's way?"
SOS: "Okay, hold please while I connect you to the doctor."
Me:"No, wait.  I don't want"  "... to talk to the doctor."
After getting her back on the line, I kept asking about the ambulance and she finally told me that she was going to connect me to the chinese 119 hotline.
Me:"No, don't connect me.  You talk to them.  That's why I called you.  I can't tell them anything."
SOS:"... Oh.  Okay.  Let me check with them."
... minutes pass
SOS:"Sir, our ambulance will be there in 20 minutes."
Me:"What?  Why 20 minutes?  You're less than 2 kilometers from here!"
SOS:"We have only one driver and he was sleeping at home.  He has to come in to the hospital to get the ambulance."
Me:"You call that an ambulance service?  Call the city's ambulance dispatch!"
... minute or two
SOS:"Sir, someone else from your location called in Chinese and said that the ambulance was already there."
Puzzled, I looked around.  I was on the ground floor on one side of the building and could see straight through to the other side of the building and the street opposite.  No lights, no ambulance.
Me:"Uhhh... there's no ambulance here.  Did you talk to the ambulance dispatch?  Did they confirm that?"
SOS:"I told them about it..."
Me:"Listen, you should only get information from them.  Can you ask them if they sent an ambulance and just tell me how much longer we have to wait?"
NOTE: It seems like I was calm, cool and collected but I was not.  I was exasperated, angry and frustrated (with all of the impact that has on vocabulary, tone and diction).
... minute
SOS:"Sir, the ambulance is on it's way and will be there shortly."
... minute later, ambulance arrives, I hang up.
By this time, at least 20 minutes had passed.  I don't know if the delay in the ambulance had an impact on this poor man's life.  I think that the ambulance probably came because one of the local folks had called 119 directly and had it sent (meaning, I had no impact on the event).
His wife is apparently adamant that the ball go on as scheduled (he was devoted to it) but I don't know what the mood of the night will be.
I hope he had a peaceful ending.  He was apparently doing something he loved (dancing) until his last moment.  I've just learned a valuable lesson and life seems just a bit shorter now.
...
And also, I'm going to draft a very stern letter to the International SOS.

Personal Milestones - Happiness ...

Sometimes, fate decides to give you two complementary events to remind you that you can't have happiness without a little bit of pain.  Keeping that in mind, I'll give you the good news first (bad news in the next post)...
================================
I'm in Beijing.  The sky is blue, the air is clear and I hear birds singing in the background.  Can anyone tell that my divorce papers were just signed (and finalized) by the judge?